sugahpuff

Telat bener ye posting foto prewed setelah punya bayik umur 7.5 bulan. :)) Tapi ga papa kan yak dicicil postnya. Dari prewed, wedding, hamil trus nikahnya.

Iya.

*nanya sendiri jawab sendiri*

Fotografernya kemaren dari Homeland Photography. Temen sendiri, jadi enak ngasi taunya pengen konsep apaan. Printilan foto2nya juga bikin sendiri. *biasa deh. kurang kerjaan* ini kayanya ada foto-foto yang belum keupload sih. Tauk fotonya di folder mana2 aja. Males ngubeknya. *iya. emang gue malesan anaknya*

Sekian.

This is not a new song, I know. But I just randomly listened to this song and made me want to write this post.

Yesterday was another day of his battle with his family. To fight for what he wants, to be with the person he wants to be with. Their final answer was still no. Then he came to me, asked for a hug.

I was not in a really good mood yesterday. And I blamed him for ruining my mood. I should have known he needs a support. I should have known he needs someone to hold on to. But I wasn't that person yesterday.

He was in his darkest day, and I made it even darker. He said his battles after all these times are pointless. He has no more place to go and there's no point of living anymore. Then I suddenly realized how dumb I am to start a fight in such situation. And he cried in my arms.

It was like a big slap on my face. I felt like not being thankful enough for having a guy who has gone through everything just to be with me, to take every risks that I know must be uneasy but still gone through it.

So, really..
I don't wish to be who I was yesterday. Never again.
I want him to always feels home in me.
I want to be home.

Since I haven't had my blog updated for quite a long time, I decided to post my vacation in Bangkok last month. :))

Despite of its night city life where you can find prostitutes easily as you step out of your hotel, Bangkok was a nice place to visit. Their Grand Palace and The Temple of Reclining Buddha stunned me a lot for seeing such a huge and beautiful place. It worth my every penny there. Also the Madame Tussaud was a nice place to take a lot of fun pictures (if you are thinking to go there, purchase the ticket online to get 50% off the ticket price). The stuff were effing cheap that I wanted to buy everything but I couldn't because I couldn't bring 'em all.

What surprised me was Bangkok is full of pork. I went to 7 Eleven to buy instant noodles, they were all pork. The fried rice they sold were also pork. I went to Food Republic, there were pork. And what surprised me more was when I went to one McD stall, they sold pork porridge. But even so, I still saw so many Pakistani in Bangkok. Such a good place to see how people can blend in diversity.

Picture from Tumblr

I don't know what always makes me doubt when someone loves me. Maybe because I don't love myself enough so I find it hard to believe when someone says they love me (deeply).

So last week was a tough week. When we've prepared several things for our marriage, his parents started out a problem. We have tried our best to talk and explain everything. We have done everything we need to do. We have sent the most touching text we need to say. And his parents didn't touched at all. His parents even told him to leave me that made him really mad. Even when he had explained that he would never marry anyone else because he has never feel something this deep before. He explained that even everyone is telling how happy he is when he is with me. But still they didn't care. Nothing seemed can really change his parents' mind. He started to look depressed, and disappointed, and upset. He felt like running away, he couldn't eat, and held his anger and disappointment for weeks.

But just like a time bomb, everything has its own time. So yesterday he went home after sending some texts begging his parents to understand but apparently they didn't. And he got no strength to do shalat because everything seems impossible. And he started to cry like a child that his mom has to put him on her lap and told him to calm down. Something that his mom never seen in the last 20 years in his life. Something that he never did in the last 20 years. And he begged his mom to understand that he never loved anyone as much as he does.

And that makes me shiver that I can't even say anything when he told me. That I never thought a guy that I always complained for his lack of expressions could do such thing because he loves me. That just.. well simply wash my insecurities and doubts away. That makes me believe that he had never loved anyone else as much as he does now. :')

Thank you, you for loving me more than I deserve. :')

Picture from here

Him : I woke up at 3 in the morning last night.

Me : And ?

Him : Tried to distract my thoughts with playing Cut The Rope. But I can't distract the thoughts. It's eating me.

Me : I know.

Him : You know. One of my brother in law decided to remain unmarried because he failed to get married with her ex. He quit his job and he decide to be a truck driver. And I understand why he did it now.

Me : Why ?

Him :What makes you hold on this long ?

Me : I don't know.

Him :Why you don't know ?

Me : I don't know. I'm not sure anymore. You ?

Him : I don't know about you. But I really feel that I can't love anyone else but you anymore. I tried to imagine myself without you, I tried to imagine I'm being with someone else. And I can't.

Me : Why ?

Him : Because I've loved you that much.

Me : :')

Him : It's just hard to imagine marrying someone else, living with someone else I don't love, and have to have sex with them. I can't even erect I bet.

Me : Dafuq ?

Him : Seriously. I just can't. I don't know about you. You might can leave me like that. You seemed too logical that makes you think like 'so his parents disapprove us, then hell with it. I'll marry someone else' You can do it. I can't.

Me : Hehe. :"> Why ?

Him : Do you believe the term that 'we've been in too deep ?'  

Me : -____- Of course.

Him : That's exactly what I'm feeling. I've been too deep. You're all that I want. I don't give a damn what people are talking about you because I really like you.

Me : Who's talking about me ?

Him : I mean like my parents. They might don't understand you. But I do. I understand you. I listened to The Woman I Love by Jason Mraz this morning and that's exactly what I feel. I love you the way you are. I don't even care when you wake up at 11 and yada yada.

Me : Hehe :">

Him : I know I might sound self-centered by putting you in such a hard situation. I tried to learn to let you go, but there's no chance I would wanna let you go. I don't want you to go. I want you, I want to be with you. I know it might takes time for us to finally we can be totally spend our time together, but eventually we will. It just a matter of time.