So I read these tweets last night. And all in a sudden my memory recalls to what exactly happened to me 3 years ago. I've actually posted so many stories about us. How we met, what happened, how we finally make it through today, how happy we are. But I skipped one part. The sucks and sad part. :))
The fact that we were both hitched when we met. He was engaged, and I was in relationships. Then we met. I never planned to go too far. I have plan to go abroad, and he was engaged. All that I know is he came to me with all he have, and I won't deny it I like him too. Then it went just like that. I was thinking that he would just be a part of my memory. Then just by 2 weeks after we met and a routine chat, he made a blogpost writing that he's in love. How does it feels to me ? Hurt ? Oh, belum pemirsa. Belum terasa apa2. Belum bagian sakit2nya. Masih seneng2nya di-pedekatein dulu. Masih berisi tanda tanya dan iseng2 meladeni dulu awalnya.
Then suddenly, I have this guy to text me good morning everyday. To have a routine chat, setiap hari dari pagi ke malam. Dari masuk kerja, pulang, bangun tengah malem buat nyapa lo, nyempetin ngobrol di messenger even dia cuma break 10 menit, and another stuff that makes you inevitably, fall in love with him.
Then one day he admitted it to you, that he has been admiring you for years silently. Seneng2nya masih berasa aja, sampai tiba-tiba berdua disadarkan oleh realita. No matter how deeply you both fall in love, you just can't be together. No matter how bad you want it, you just can't. That ngehe moment you can't describe. To realize you both wasted thousand of days for nothing. Apparently, after all these time, you both are just playing hard to get. So hard, until you both get nothing.
In my case, it's still a whole lot easier. Ga perlu menyiksa diri bertahan terlalu lama dengan seseorang. But it's way harder for him. Harder because he was engaged. Yknow, engagement yang bukan dari niat sendiri, tapi karena permintaan keluarga satu pihak. That makes everything become more complicated.
Then we both talked and asked ourselves. What would we do ? Ngelanjutin atau berenti dan nerima kenyataan bahwa lo emang ga bisa ngapa2in aja pokoknya. Then we both were like laughing our life off. You
realize there is nothing you can do for your happiness. You know who's
exactly in your heart. You know who you want. You know what you want. But you can't. You want to fight for what you want, but you can't. He told you that he dreamed about you as his wife preparing his breakfast as he go to work. But it was just a dream. You can even imagine how your love story ends even when it's still pixelated. That's just sad. (I don't know how to make you believe it's sad, but it's really sad, trust me :))) *tulisan macam apa ini*)
He was like that too. Asking and blaming why we met in such a wrong situation.
Mempertanyakan keadaan, menyesali waktu. But the difference is, he never want to think that this would be over. He was more afraid that this would end rather than the risk he would lost his past relationships. Then maybe it's true, your mind controls your action. Then to make it short, not too long after my relationships ends, he ends his relationships too. And the rest is history.
Back to the top 3 tweets above. You probably wouldn't understand why it happens. But as for me, I can now thank what we have had before this. If it wouldn't be that hard, I probably couldn't see how hard he tried. The value from this relationships is higher because the struggles we once had. More over for him, I have written about his reputation like gazillion times here *stabbed*. That sucky part, taught him to fight for something he really wants. It taught him how to preserve something. It taught him to think like billion times before doing something that could harm our relationships.
Didn't mean to make you think I still have Mario Teguh's bloodline. But just try to explain from what I experience. I don't really believe in destiny. What's written still can be erased if you try hard enough. If you want it bad enough.
So, people. Don't believe someone too fast when he/she says he loves you. Wait until you see how he really make it for you.
Ah, terakhir, kenapa dipertemukan di waktu yang salah ? Mungkin karena di waktu yang salah itulah baru seseorang bisa benar-benar belajar memperbaiki kesalahannya.
P.S: This post doesn't sound sad at all. Jesus. How I hate myself. I should have make it more dramatic, but fuck it. I was really sad. Trust me.
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